you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
