are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
