Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
