We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just invented taco cereal.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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