May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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