It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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