I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
