his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
