dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize