Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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