Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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