The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
