apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
