I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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