Pappa wants mamma naked
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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