Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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