I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
