Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
