Four minutes until I can fart!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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