What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
