it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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