I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
