You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
