I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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