I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
