If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
