Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
