my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
