if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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