I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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