Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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