Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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