Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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