On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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