I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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