Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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