I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
