He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
