Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
