forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
