we have officially lost it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
