my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
