No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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