You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
