Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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