I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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