remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
