i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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