I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
