apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
