I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
