My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
