the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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