A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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