and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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