last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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