I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
