You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
