Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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