Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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