In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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