Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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