Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
