You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
