her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
