Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize