I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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