i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
