chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
