dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
