We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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