i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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