She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
