This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
