it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
